Jayne's Cold Girls
by Unlisshed
Summary: Jayne's girls are cold. River sees fit to cover them up. Friendship Fic.


The mess hall was quiet and relaxed, it's four occupants doing their own thing in companionable silence.

Simon sat on one of the lounges, as relaxed as he ever got, with a very content Kaylee snuggled into his side. He was reading a medical book of some kind, undaunted by the smallness of the writing or the sizeable amount of pages. He occasionally flicked a page or hummed in thought at it's contents. Kaylee watched him, a small smile lifting on her face whenever he did something she thought was cute. Which was quite often.

Mal sat at the dining table, cleaning his guns. He stopped on occasion to look around, smiling slightly as his eyes rested on the couple or becoming dark as they rested on the corridor that led to Zoe's bunk. He cleaned his guns, placing the serviced ones to the right as he progressed, the repetition soothing him slightly. He refused to look into the kitchen, where a certain _someone_ was lingering, doing things he'd rather she'd be doing elsewhere.

That _someone_ was Inara. She was sipping out of a very delicate looking cup, a very fancy variety of tea inside. Her attention was set on Mal, noticing the way he looked everywhere but at her and smiling slightly because of it. Mal often forgot that she trained to look for subtle -and some not-so-subtle- clues in body language. What he was telling her with his body alone, was that he was not angry, annoyed or even anxious at her being there, as it was often the case, he was just unsettled by it. What she couldn't tell was _why_. But Mal was a mystery and it was a part of why she was drawn to him.

They had all been sitting there for a while, caught in their own worlds, that they didn't even register a fifth presence join them at first. It wasn't surprising, River hardly ever wore shoes in the upper decks of Serenity, reserving her combat boots for the dirtier and more dangerous lower decks. She preferred the feel of cold steel and warm carpet upon her bare feet. Therefore, her footfalls were dead silent, her cat-like grace letting her move fast and silent past her fellow crew members with ease.

It was only when a sudden bellow from the direction of the crew's quarters pierced their peace that they bothered to look up, noting the small figure of River and the look of pure delight on her face at a sound that should have brought profound fear.

"Gorram it girl, git back here!"

A few seconds later, Jayne charged into the room, just as quickly but about ten times louder than it's previous intruder. He paused briefly, his sharp eyes narrowing onto the small, very amused figure of River. "You're gonna pay for that, little witch."

She just grinned back at him, her eyes not leaving his. "Jayne has to catch me first."

Jayne responded to the challenge in a typically male way. His muscles bunched for a second before he took off after her, but it was enough of a warning for River and she practically danced away from the merc.

The other four occupants of the room, watched in stunned silence as the largest crew member chased the smallest. River teasing Jayne was nothing new, even before the events of Miranda. Though the reaction of the later to said teasing was a clear indication of how his attitude towards the former had changed.

"Large mass is harder to control. Takes longer to stop, even longer to change directions. Jayne will not catch me." River laughed as she ran around the table Mal was occupying.

"I might be slower midget, but I got endurance."

"Hey! Stop fooling around you two!" Mal yelled, trying to get some semblance of control by using his Big Captain Voice. But the two were in their own world, running from one end of the mess hall to the other.

"I'm the Gingerbread Man!" River laughed, yet again evading Jayne, ducking under his grasp.

"Well, I'm a sneaky fox," he growled. River paused for half a second, her face a mask of surprise, but that was all that he needed. He finally caught her, his huge arms pinning her against him, making sure her hands were not anywhere near any vulnerable areas.

"Skipping right past the disturbing notion of you knowing what you're talking about, how about you shed some light on why you've got my pilot squirming in your arms." Mal said, his hands lingering over a fully assembled and loaded gun.

Simon had put down the tome, still sitting, but tense. He was not truly worried about River, having proved several times that if she so chose, she could probably render the ship's muscle useless in under ten seconds. But a large part of him still said his little sister was in danger and that he needed to be alert.

River managed to roll her eyes even as she struggled to get out of Jayne's grip. Despite what Simon clearly thought, she was well and truly trapped. She was fast, limber and agile but Jayne was a fast learner when it came to his own well-being, and had made sure that she couldn't move enough to get loose, using his brute strength against her. Even so, she knew she was in no danger. Jayne was kind of angry and really annoyed but she could still feel the undertow of grudging acceptance and admiration she had earned on Mr Universe's moon.

"She was in my ruttin' bunk when I woke up, staring at me with those crazy-ass eyes of 'ers-"

"-_Mei mei_! What were you doing in there!?"

"I'm confused my own self. That's no place for girls to be." Mal said darkly, shooting Jayne a deadly look.

"Hey!" The merc protested. "I locked my bunk up, good and tight before I went to sleep, lest I be waking up with knives in me. Damn genius probably over-rode it."

"Did you, River?"

"Didn't need to. 96.5 percent chance that the password would be named after something close to Jayne. Only took two trys." River squirmed, turning her head slightly upwards to meet Jayne's gaze. "Put me down or I'll tell them what it is."

An evil look came across his face. "You do that and I'll tell them what ya did." He grinned at River's stunned look. "Not so innocent now, are ya, girly?"

Simon looked both ready to faint and ready to hurt someone, no doubt with a giant needle of some kind. "River?"

River stared helplessly around her and was surprised that no-one seemed overly concerned at the position she was in - they all seemed more curious about what she had done to rile Jayne so much. Noting once again that she had no means of escape, she sighed. "I could feel his girls shivering, so I went in to cover them up." She shot Jayne a look. "No harm done."

He returned one. "No harm? Ya defeated the whole purpose!"

Mal rubbed his temples in an attempt to ease the urge to shoot someone. Sometimes he felt as if he were the principle of a children's school, rather than the captain of a ship of trained professionals. Funny how he always got that feeling when Jayne and River were at each other's throats.

"Have you not noticed your very angry, very armed _Captain_, waiting for an explanation for this madness? One that is detailed and explains exactly what happened?"

Kaylee stepped forward. "Aw, it's probably just a little cabin fever Captain. We been in the black going on three weeks now, and everybody's a bit tense. From what I've heard, River just went in to make sure Jayne's guns were nice n' warm. As she said, 'no harm done'. Jayne's just cranky because he hasn't gotten any-"

"-Shore leave!" Simon interrupted loudly, just as Kaylee finished saying the same thing. He had the decency to look embarrassed when Kaylee glared at him.

River rolled her eyes. "I am nearly _nineteen_ years old Simon, a woman." She ignored the scoff of her captor and continued, "Not only that, but I am a 'reader'. Do you honestly believe that I am ignorant of the adult world?" As smart as her brother was, he was incredibly thick at times. She rolled her eyes. "Jayne's guns are objects, they do not get cold, however-"

"River, you didn't..." Inara breathed in half-comprehension, half-disbelief, though amusement coloured her tone.

Kaylee caught on quickly and stifled a giggle. "Oh, his _other_ girls!"

"Other girls..?" Simon questioned, but obviously cottoned on a few seconds later. "Oh dear god." He placed one of his hands over his face.

"What?" Mal asked desperately, not getting it. "What?"

"River decided to test out her artistic skills on Jayne's... magazines." Inara said, a sly smile on her face.

"They all got clothes on now! How's a man supposed to conduct his business if he can't see the merchandise?" In his frustration, he didn't notice his hold on River had slipped a fraction. It wasn't much, but it was enough for River to escape. In one liquid move, she slipped out of his grasp, down between his legs and out behind him.

"The fox will go hungry tonight," she laughed as she ran gracefully from the room.

It only took Jayne one second to fully comprehend that he no longer had her trapped, and he quickly gave chase out the door past a disbelieving Zoe. "I ain't done with you yet, girl! You're gonna regret ever steppin' foot in my bunk!"

* * *

AN: While this isn't Rayne in the romantic sense, I still absolutely love Rayne as a friendship as well. There's something to be said about two people so different being friends. Had Firefly lasted more than one season, I'm absolutely positive that we would've seen River and Jayne grow to be friends of an antagonistic nature.

As for the story itself, it was inspired by a similar situation happening in my family, where my mother found and 'covered up' one of my now-ex-step-fathers nude calenders with a permanent marker.


End file.
